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lovely0088 [userpic]

Writer's Block: Gotcha.

April 1st, 2008 (08:03 am)

What is the best April Fools' Day joke you've ever fallen victim to?
I never get pranked. I wish I did.

lovely0088 [userpic]

Strange Fortunes

April 1st, 2008 (11:36 am)
distressed

current mood: distressed

I recently moved, and I discovered a Chinese food restaurant that's about a block or two away. The first time I went there I ordered the sweet and sour chicken with brown rice. Tastes great. It's hard to find Chinese food in Los Angeles that actually tastes great. So I was psyched. Super psyched.Only one thing that didn't sit right with me.

(I opened my fortune cookie.)

Now usually with fortune cookies, the little slip of paper says something nice and pleasant, usually very generic. An example would be, "A friend is a greater gift than gold" or some kind of crap. This is standard. I mean, occasionally you will find a fortune that makes no sense, or one that you can't relate to. I recall finding one that said something like, "Because you travel often, you are open-minded." And yes, my mind may be more open than a 7-11 at times, but I have only left the (dis)comfort of LA about 6 times in my life. And only twice outside of the state of California. I have never even left the country, not even to Mexico which is just one fence hopping away.

So that I don't get carried away on this tangent any further....my fortune...ah yes..I believe I am paraphrasing, but it said:

"Be careful today. Someone will try to trick you."


I was pretty disturbed. I mean I watch way too many Asian horror movies. I began to imagine that I was starring in one myself. "The Fortune Cookie," a story about a dead Asian woman who, forsaken by her lover, sends threatening fortune cookies. And she turns you into Kung Pao chicken in the end. So at that point I was barricading myself in my room and returning to my Christian roots of prayer. And yeah, I should pray more often. God probably thinks I consider him to be my personal reset button for when things go wrong. That or a genie.

A week and a half or so goes by, and nothing happens. I soon forget completely about my fortune and return to this Chinese food restaurant, after all that was some damn good sweet and sour chicken. Now, as soon as I touch this fortune cookie I have a flashback about my terrifically horrible experience with the last cookie. Reluctantly, I pinched the cookie between my fingers and broke it open.

And I am staring at this fortune now, sitting here next to my laptop. Verbatim, it says:

"Tomorrow morning, take a left turn as soon as you leave home."

It honestly says that.

What the F$#& is that supposed to mean? Who is writing these fortunes? Ay, Dios mio. I feel as though the walls of my room are closing in on me. Every sound I hear causes me to leap out of my flesh. I know I shouldn't care. I don't believe anyone tricked me since that last fortune cookie. But anything can happen.Is this a threat? Am I being set up? Maybe it's a warning, but I sorta feel like it's a trap. This may tie together with the other fortune that said I would be tricked.I

I think I am going to rebel and take a right turn, and march right in front of this restaurant and protest.I mean, they lure you in with incredible decadent food, food like the sweetest poison. Then they threaten you. I demand they stop giving out threatening fortune cookies. I know I can't do this alone but I have to stop them, or someone might get hurt.

Until then.....

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